As I lie in my bed,
that now seems to be huge.
I cuddle a pillow,
the one you always used.
If I close my eyes,
breath ever so deeply,
I can smell you faintly,
and then drift off sweetly.
Your warmth is missing;
my nights grown long and cold.
Gone is that body
I so long to hold close.
Your soothing heartbeat 
that carried me into sleep,
that softest caress,
your breath on my cheek.
Gathered much closer,
as you wandered through sleep.
The shock and surprise
at awakening so held.
Calm and content,
through the alarm’s harsh bells.
Feeling such pleasure,
you were still at my side;
Now, I feel hollow,
the emptiness echoes inside.
I loathe the coming
of another long, endless night.
Ever so softly,
I still whisper, “Goodnight”..

Authors Note: Sue Maddox, Copyright 1992, All Rights Reserved - "...how I felt after having grown accustom to and comforted by have someone to sleep next to me.  The feeling that hits you when the pillow still smells of cologne and you know without any doubt that you will never feel, smell, experience that same comfort and safety again.  It was devastating for quite some time.  You apply fresh cologne to make it last just a little longer, but it doesn’t work.  You are still empty and cold and aching with loneliness and loss.  I found for me it was just part of the grieving process, realization that I was on my own and that I had to provide all these lost things for myself.  That was not only scary it seemed monumental, well, for a little while.  I did it, then looked back and wondered why I had been so afraid of it." ~E. "Shadow" Maddox

Who is Sue Maddox-Toth?
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